How To Be a Great Dad
Series: Building Better Relationships - Part 3Pastor Ed Riddick - Sunday, June 16th, 2002
Introduction:
1. Building Strong Relationships
2. Two sides to dealing with Unfinished Business:
a. Preventative and 2. Restorative
b. Bad news and good news
The bad news is that the number of children who live with their biological fathers has dropped from 82.5% in 1960 to 61.7% in 1990…
that up to 60% of today’s children will spend at least part of their childhood living apart from their biological father…
that being fatherless doesn’t just mean losing a father through death, divorce or illegitimate birth. It also means that as many as 50% of adult males say that their fathers were emotionally absent from them growing up…
But the good news is that in spite of all this many dads now are making their children a priority. Most of us are just typical Joes trying to win with our kids.
It’s not that all of us have dysfunctional childhoods.
But all of us grow up with imcomplete models of parenting…parents doing their best to be good parents.
Story on page 22 “I just had to have a kid fix.”
Last week we started studying the lives of Jacob and Esau. I’d like to continue that study today.
Lessons to be learned in Coming to Terms with Our Past
In Childhood, Genesis 25:19-34
~ Favoritism - 25:27-28
~ Values - 25:29-34
How To Be A Great Dad…or Son…or Daughter
Context of our story: Coming to Terms with Our Past
Taking a Good Look at Our Parents, 25:20-23
Rebecca
24:16 beautiful, morally upright, hard worker, hospitable and generous, willingly obedient to God’s plan for her life.
Isaac
~ Isaac was the one who as a teenager respected the leadership of his father. He took the firewood up the mountain and voluntarily laid on the sacrificial alter. Genesis 22
1. In coming to terms with our past we must first of all find the good in our parents.
Matthew 15:4-9 “For God said, ‘HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER,’ and, ‘HE WHO SPEAKS EVIL OF FATHER OR MOTHER, LET HIM BE PUT TO DEATH.’
“But you say, ‘Whoever shall say to his father or mother, “Anything of mine you might have been helped by has been given to God,” he is not to honor his father or his mother.’ And thus you invalidated the word of God for the sake of your tradition.
“You hypocrites, rightly did Isaiah prophesy of you, saying, ‘THIS PEOPLE HONORS ME WITH THEIR LIPS, BUT THEIR HEART IS FAR AWAY FROM ME. ‘BUT IN VAIN DO THEY WORSHIP ME, TEACHING AS DOCTRINES THE PRECEPTS OF MEN.’”
There is a law written in each of us to honor our parents.
Quote: Marc Anthony “We have not come to bury our fathers under the dirt of our accusations; we’ve come to praise them for what we have discovered in them for what they have given us.”
What our parents did right is as important as what they did wrong.
Being a father is an honorable calling.
What a marvelous thing to give life and sustain life and to sacrifice your own life for the sake of those who are helpless.
Genesis 9:20-27
Noah got drunk and uncovered himself in his tent.
Ham, the father of Canaan shamed his father by telling his brothers
about it. And Ham would one day suffer because his son would
also shame him.
Father’s have a stake in preserving the integrity of fatherhood.
I believe there is value in coming to terms with our past by resolving
our feelings, attitudes and actions as sons and daughters.
Recognition, facing the truth of our past openly and honestly
is difficult but necessary to bring resolution and healing.
The truth of Scripture is confirmed by research that while a person’s relationship with his or her father does affect our current relationship with our own children, it is not the most significant predictor.
Your commitment to be a good parent, a good father in spite of any negative effects of childhood is the most determining factor in being a great parent and a great dad.
2. One of the best things that a father can do for his children is to love their mother well.
~ 24:67 “and Isaac loved Rebecca”
~ Notice here that Isaac prayed for his wife. 25:21
Show her affection in front of them.
Make sacrifices for her.
Lead her spiritually.
Stay faithful to her and stay committed to work it out.
All this has long term affects on them as adults.
3. Know Your Own Heart
But in living the present we must recognize the past.
Genesis 26:6-9
compared with 12:13 and 20:2
This is a “heart” issue.
If we were looking at a boat it would be a below the line issue.
If an airplane it is a behind the inspection plate issue.
Story of Hank Gathers (p.27)
Hank Gathers was a high school basketball star, make it big time at Loyola University in Southern CA. As a college forward, he had led the NCAA in scoring the previous year in rebounding. He had pro scouts watching him closely. Now, one March evening in the midst of a crucial game of the 1990 NCAA playoffs, he slam-dunked the ball, smiled, began to run up court…and collapsed on his back. A little over an hour later, Hank Gathers lay dead in the emergency room of an LA hospital.
From all appearances he was a man at the height of his college athletic ability. In reality Hank suffered from a congenital heart problem. A doctor had warned him of it earlier that year. But he continued to play, until, at the height of his career he collapsed and died.
Fathers can suffer from a bad heart without ever knowing it.
What we receive from our fathers?
His Y chromosome is in every cell of our body.
Our DNA cries out that you owe your person to another.
Their name
Their looks, smile, walk, sound of your voice, physical strengths
and weaknesses and tendencies.
Ken Canfield, a noted PhD in his book, The Heart of a Father tells a story about himself
“A few years ago, I was in Wichita visiting my parents. For some reason, I borrowed Dad’s car to run some errands, and as I was driving along something caught my eye on the floor of the car, just below my leg. I knew immediately what it was: a sack full of cookies.
I laughed out loud stopping long enough to stuff a cookie into my mouth. I remembered that my dad is a cookie-holic. He’s now in his sixties, but he still drives around munching on cookies as he goes about his business.
But there was another reason I laughed: I also hide my bag of cookies in the same place. I never knew I was so like my dad.”
Right Response vs Wrong Response
26:9c “Because I said, ‘Lest I die on account of her.’”
Took personal responsibility
Vs. Denial / taking anger out on or revenge on.
Notice God’s blessing…26:12
Take a “Father Inventory”
List assets and deficits. One of the first steps to breaking the intergenerational chain is recognition. Speak the truth.
1. List 5 ways you are like your father and 5 ways you are not like your father. Start simple, list both positive and negative qualities, pay equal attention to “like” and “not like” lists, be specific.
2. Was my father involved in my life as a child? Did he spend time with you? Did he attend events that were important to you? Did he include you in what he did?
3. Was my father consistent? How regular and predictable was your father? Did you know what to expect when you approached him? Could you rely on him to give order to your young world?
4. Was my father aware of my feelings and thoughts? Did you have a sense that your father was interested in you? Did he seek to know who you were and what your world was like?
5. How much nurture did I receive from my father? Can you remember hearing the words, “I love you?” Can you still feel your dad’s hand on your shoulder? Did he listen to you when you needed to talk?
4. Become Personal in Your Relationship with God,
28:10-22
Genesis 32
1. Humility
2. Dependence
3. Sacrificial offering
4. Brokenness leading to repentance
There is plenty to learn as a Student in the School of Hard Knocks, Genesis 29-31
a. Build walls around you and your family
Walls - page 188
b. Learn to Live in the Spirit, not in the flesh
1) Set your mind on the things of the Spirit.
What does it mean to “walk by the Spirit”?
Many think this is primarily a subjective experience–trying to intuitively sense God’s presence and guidance. Now, there is a subjective dimension involved in walking by the Spirit, and we will discuss this next week. But this is not what Paul focuses on here.
Others think this is primarily about behavioral change. Now, walking according to the Spirit will produce behavioral change. But if we equate walking by the Spirit with behavioral change, we’re back to serving God under the law.
(Rom. 8:5-7) For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. (6) For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, (7) because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so . . .
According to Paul, the primary element in walking according to the Spirit is “setting our minds on the things of the Spirit.” To set your mind on something involves rational, volitional reflection, what you think about and the perspective from which you view the different facets of your life (remember Martyn Lloyd Jones’ quote from week 3 about talking to ourselves versus listening to ourselves).
Spiritual growth begins not with our behavior (what we do) or with our experiences (what we feel)–but with our minds (how we think). That’s why he says 12:2 (read)–behavioral and experiential transformation flow from mental renewal!!
Definition: The “things of the Spirit” are the truths concerning what God has freely given us through Christ–truths which have been revealed through the apostles and recorded in their writings.
Your relationship with God.
Your circumstances.
Your close relationships.
2) Keep in step with the Spirit
Both Galatians 5 and Romans 8 speak of being “led by the Spirit”.
Gal. 5:18 speaks of being “led by the Spirit” is part of “walking by the Spirit” (vs 16).
Rom. 8:14 speaks of “being led by the Spirit” as part of walking according to the Spirit.
Notice what Paul says in Gal. 5:25 (read). Here, the NIV is a better translation: “Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with [NASB - “walk by”] the Spirit.” The verb (stoichew) is different than the general verb “walk” (peripatew) in 5:16. It means to “walk in a line, to proceed under another’s direction.” It was sometimes used to describe soldiers who marched in response to the directions of their commanding officer.
Definition: To “keep in step with the Spirit” means to be alert and responsive to the Spirit’s personal guidance in your life.
3) Sow to the Spirit
Paul began using an agricultural metaphor toward the end of Galatians 5, describing the results of walking by the Spirit as the “fruit of the Spirit.” After explaining how to “keep in step with the Spirit” in Gal. 5:25-6:5, he returns to the agricultural metaphor in 6:7-9 (read). His point is obvious–you reap what you sow. This is not Paul’s version of karmic law (what goes around comes around), but rather a basic principle of cause and effect in spiritual growth.
If you sow to your own fallen nature, you will reap “corruption”–which is not damnation, but the lifestyle described in Gal. 5:19-21a as the “deeds of the flesh” (read). If you sow to the Spirit, you will reap “eternal life”–which refers not to heaven, but to the “fruit of the Spirit” as described 5:22,23 (read). If you want to reap a good spiritual harvest in your life, you must sow consistently to the Spirit.
The key principle here is that the results don’t show up immediately, but later–they always show up. You may choose to get involved in a porn habit because it provides immediate pleasure and escape–but you will reap an eventual harvest of corruption (dissatisfaction with marital sex; bondage to sexual lust; arrested relational development). Or you may choose to get involved in a spiritual habit like Bible memorization. It will not be immediately pleasurable–but you will reap an eventual harvest of spiritual health (Ps. 1 RESULTS). The Bible provides direction on the “sowing” that leads to spiritual growth.
Definition: “Sowing to the Spirit” is participating regularly in the “means of growth.”
(John R.W. Stott) “(If Paul) speaks in Galatians 5:22 of the harvest of the Spirit, he writes in 6:8 that we are to sow to the Spirit, and then we reap what we sow. Whether we reap the fruit of the Spirit depends on whether we sow to the Spirit. The seeds we sow to the Spirit that produce this harvest are . . . a disciplined use of the means of grace. That is, daily prayer and meditation on the Scriptures, . . . reading Christian books, making Christian friends, and getting engaged in Christian service. It is by a disciplined use of these means of grace that we grow in grace, and the Holy Spirit within us is able to produce the beauty of holiness.” (John R.W. Stott, “The Unforbidden Fruit”, Christianity Today, Aug 17, 1992, p. 36)