Oakbrook Evangelical Free Church

Relationships Gone South (Sour)

Cain and Able

Sarah and Hagar

Esau and Jacob

David and Saul

David and his wife, Micah

Barnabas and Paul

Turmoil in the churches in Corinth, Ephesis, Philippi

Phil 4:2 “I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to live in harmony in the Lord.”

We will look at the guidelines of this passage next week. But first…

Even when we feel like we have no one who cares for us, We have Jesus. The Lord is always here, very close to us. Proverbs 18:24b “but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother…”

New Series: Building Better Relationships

Today: Becoming A More Loving Person

1 Peter 4:8-9 “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.”

As Christians we are to love each other deeply and to be kind and considerate of each other. Offering our homes, our possessions, and ourselves, when needed by another. Our acts of hospitality, kindness, and love for others, go along way in covering sins. In all the kindness we bestow upon another, we are to do it without complaining.

I. Above all else - the Priority of Love

Matthew 22:36-39 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

John 13:34-35 “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

John 15:12-14,17 “This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends, if you do what I command you…This I command you, that you love one another.”

ILL: What is our priority?

In one of his news reports, Paul Harvey told about a man named Carl Coleman who was

driving to work when a woman motorist, passing too close, snagged his fender with hers.

Both cars stopped. The young woman surveying the damage was in tears. It was her

fault, she admitted. But it was a new car-less than two days from the showroom. How

was she ever going to face her husband? Mr. Coleman was sympathetic but explained

they must note each other’s license number and automobile registration. The woman

reached into the glove compartment of her car to retrieve the documents in an envelope.

And on the first paper to tumble out, in a heavy masculine scrawl, were these words: “In

case of accident, remember, Honey, it’s you I love, not the car.”

II. Love each other deeply (fervently)

Psalm 55:12-14 “[12] If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. [13] But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, [14] with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God.”

Fervently = that’s the trouble

It is difficult indeed, to lose the love and care of a trusted friend. We do not feel the pain so deeply if it is an enemy. But, the loss of a friend moves us to tears and sadness. It is with grief that we move forward with the Lord, always praying for our friend.

Why love hurts:

Lucado: page 98-99

1 Peter 1:22 - 23 “Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart, for you have been born again not of seed which is perishable but imperishable, that is, through the living and abiding word of God.”

Love is risky. To love doesn’t mean that everything will always work out the way you like. In real life, love is often crushed, bruised and rejected. Loving others is risky business. What if they abuse the love you freely give? For the Christian, there is only one possible answer: It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. The real losers in life are not those whose love is rejected. They (and they alone) know the deep pain of loving in a fallen world. They understand something of God’s heart because the Father sent his Son to the world knowing that the world would reject him.

In his book The Four Loves, C. S. Lewis spoke to this very point:

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung

and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your

heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little

luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be

broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable … The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers … of love is Hell (p. 169).

Someone once said that “Life minus love is zero.”

Love stands its ground in the face of curses, slander, hatred, ill treatment, and the worst

that man can dish out. I have never forgotten the words of Corrie Ten Boom in The Hiding Place. When asked how she could endure a Nazi concentration camp without bitterness, she replied, “There is no pit so deep that the love of God is not deeper still.”

More study: 1 Thess 4:9; 1 John 3:11, 23-24; 1 John 4:7; 2 John 1:5

III. Because Love

Romans 5:3-8 “And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

Think about how hard it was for Jesus to love us.

When Jesus washed the disciples’ feet, where was Judas? According to John 13, he was right there in the room. Did Jesus know what Judas was about to do? Absolutely. He even told him to go out and do it. Did Jesus wash Judas’ feet? Yes. And he was not play-acting either. How could he do it? He did it because he loved Judas even though he knew Judas would soon betray him. That’s how love works.

1 John 4:10-13 ” In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has beheld God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit.

In the play, My Fair Lady, Eliza is being courted by Freddie, who writes to her daily of his love for her. Eliza’s response to his notes is to cry out in frustration:

“Words! Words! I’m so sick of words!

Don’t talk of stars burning above, if you’re in love, show me!

Don’t talk of love lasting through time.

Make me no undying vow – Show me now!”

Jesus called himself the Son of Man. 82 X in NT; 81 - in the Gospels. 80 directly from Jesus’ lips.

As Plain As the Nose on Our Face

It is not simply difficult to live this way, it is impossible. But what God demands of us, the Holy Spirit supplies within us. Our deepest needs are not intellectual or emotional; our deepest needs are spiritual. It is an old story, repeated over and over again. Many of us struggle in our circumstances because we are fighting against the Lord and his plan for

our lives. The answer is as plain as the nose on your face. Let each of us yield ourselves

completely to the Holy Spirit. Let each one of us ask God for the love which only he can

supply. And as we face hard times and difficult moments, let us pray daily, “O God, let

your will be done even if it means that my will is not done.” As we relinquish the control

of our lives to the Lord Jesus Christ, we will find that the Holy Spirit’s power has been

released in us and the love of God will become a personal reality that works in us and

through us to touch those around us.

read p.21 of Lucado

Romans 13:8-11 “Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another “the debt we can never pay”; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law. For this, “YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY, YOU SHALL NOT MURDER, YOU SHALL NOT STEAL, YOU SHALL NOT COVET,” and if there is any other commandment, it is summed up in this saying, “YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor; love therefore is the fulfillment of the law. “love is a choice to do what is right whether we feel like it or not” And that choice can only be done by the power of the Holy Spirit. And this do, knowing the time, that it is already the hour for you to awaken from sleep; for now salvation is nearer to us than when we believed.” “The motivation is that our time is short - so stop wasting it on negative thinking, emotions and actions.”

What love does not mean:

~ Fuzzy feelings of affection

~ Close personal friendship

~ You like their personality or what they do.

What love means:

~ Thinking of and putting the other person first.

~ Personal service and sacrifice. Going out of your way to do what needs to be done

whether or not is your to do and even at great cost.

~ Doing what is best for them without expecting them to reciprocate.

“love” in the dictionary 18 definitions. I read them all and didn’t feel a bit more loving!

Love is not primarily a feeling but an action. We live in an age that honors personal feelings above almost everything. We do what we want when we want because we “feel” like it. And if we don’t “feel” like it, we don’t it.

IV. Love Covers a Multitude of Sins

Proverbs 17:17 ” A friend loves at all times,”

Often, we think we only have to love if our friend agrees with us one hundred percent. This is not the biblical pattern for friendship. We are to love always, in spite of our differences. Contrary to popular belief, it’s okay to disagree, unless we are disagreeing with God and His Word. Then we must obey what the Father tells us is true.

“The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion, and sin” (Exodus 34:5-7).

I Peter 4:8 says that love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Corinthians 13 says that love “bears all things”. That is the meaning here. Love protects other people. It doesn’t broadcast bad news. It goes the second mile to protect another person’s reputation.

To cover something. It is related to the word for roof-a covering that offers protection

from the hostile elements. Much like the “mercy seat”

Applications:

First, love doesn’t nitpick. It doesn’t point out every flaw of the ones you love. Once in a small group, we were discussing this very point and one of the wives present said a very wise thing: “You can’t talk everything out. Some things you just decide not to worry about.” She’s right. If you took time to point out every mistake your husband or wife made, you wouldn’t have time for anything else. That applies to every human relationship, not just to marriage.

Second, love doesn’t criticize in public. This is perhaps Paul’s primary meaning. Love

doesn’t do its dirty laundry for all the world to see. That’s why I cringe whenever I hear a

husband humiliating his wife in public or a wife making snide remarks about her husband. I always think, if they do that in public, what do they do in private? As a friend of mine once told me, “There are many times in my life when I’ve been sorry I opened my mouth. But there has never been a time I’ve been sorry I kept silent.” When it comes to needless criticism of other people, that’s excellent advice.

Third, love deliberately does not widen the circle of knowledge larger than those who can be a part of the solution!

Fourth, love chooses not to retaliate.

During the early days of the Civil War, Edwin Stanton was outspoken in his criticism of

Abraham Lincoln. He held Lincoln in utter contempt, calling him a gorilla and a cunning

clown. Although he knew about the slanders, Lincoln never retaliated. And when the time

came to choose someone to oversee the war effort, Lincoln chose Stanton. When asked

why, he simply replied, “Because he is the best man for the job.” After the president was

assassinated in April 1865, Stanton stood weeping over Lincoln’s body and declared:

“There lies the greatest ruler of men the world has ever seen.” Patient love won in the end.

Conclusion:

Love looks beyond the present to the hope of what might be in the future.

A man stopped to watch a Little League baseball game. He asked one of the youngsters what the score was. “We’re losing 18-0,” was the answer. “Well,” said the man. “I must say you don’t look discouraged.” “Discouraged?” the boy said, puzzled. “Why should we be discouraged? We haven’t come to bat yet.”

Let’s examine some Scriptures on This subject.

1 Samuel 18:1-4 “After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. [2] From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to his father’s house. [3] And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself [4] Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.”

In the midst of the turmoil surrounding David’s relationship with King Saul, Jonathan, Saul’s oldest son, loved David as himself. This friendship became so close that Jonathan, though heir apparent to the throne of Israel, stripped himself of his royal regalia, and placed it on David in recognition of David’s divine election to be Israel’s king.

Ecclesiastes 4:10-12

“[9] Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: [10 ] If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! [11] Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? [12] Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

In this passage Solomon recommends sharing and cites several benefits that can come from companionship. Two companions will have better profit from their labor, help in time of need, protection in time of danger, and He goes on to explain that three companions are even better than two. The more companionship we have the better off we are.

God created us to be social beings. While it is a nice sentiment to shut ourselves up in a closet with only the Lord as our companion, that is not what He had in mind when he made us. God desires that His children be friendly and show His love to a lost world.

May we be as Elijah and Elisha, as David and Jonathan, and as the friend Jesus wants us to be. Always there for others. Loving them deeply.