Oakbrook Evangelical Free Church

2 Corinthians 1:23-2:4 “I call God as my witness that it was in order to spare you that I did not return to Corinth. Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, because it is by faith you stand firm. So I made up my mind that I would not make another painful visit to you. For if I grieve you, who is left to make me glad but you whom I have grieved? I wrote as I did so that when I came I should not be distressed by those who ought to make me rejoice. I had confidence in all of you, that you would all share my joy. For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you.” NIV

Think of a relationship in your life that that “gone south”. Maybe you’ve worked hard at working through the issues.Maybe this side of heaven you will never be reconciled.Maybe there have been wrongs done that warrant ending the relationship.  

What I know is this:~ We are incurably relational.~ Relationship issues are one of the greatest areas of stress in our lives.  ~ God’s Word is our Helper to handle relationships better.

Paul’s Corinthian Contacts

Found ing visit His ‘former’ letter Corinthian letter to Paul 1^stCor Paul’s painfulvisit Paul’s severe letter 2^ndCor Anti cipated visit

How serious is this discussion?Begins with…“I call God as my witness”To guarantee truthfulness: “I swear to tell the truth”

Εγω δε μαρτυρα τον θεον επικαλουμαι επι την εμην ψυχηνNow I   witness          God    invoke         on         my    life

Do you see it?  Literally…“I call upon God as a witness against (epi) my soul (psyche)

Paul invokes the wrath of God against himself.  He is willing to forfeit his very life if he is not found telling the truth.  (inner life of the person)

Since there are no human witnesses who could testify about the intentions of his heart Paul calls upon God as his sole / soul witness. 

Section ends with: 2 Corinthians 2:10-11“If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.” NIV

Literally: we are mindful of his mind

And in between 1:23 and 2:11 Paul reveals two essential relationship rebuilding skills. 

I. Reframing, 1:23-2:4“it was in order to spare you that I did not return to Corinth. Not that we lord it over your faith”

It was out of pastoral concern that Paul did not come not because he was fickle.  

To spare themNot to lord it over them but to work together with them.

ουχ οτι κυριευομεν υμων τησ πιστεωσNot that we rule over of you the faith

αλλα συνεργοι εσμεν τησ χαρασ υμωνbut fellow-workers (synergoi)  we are of the joy of you

Misunderstood, Paul explains himself.Misunderstood, Paul adds more information They flattened Paul out into a mono-dimensional person. They saw reality in a uni-dimensional way.

He thickens the story.He adds depth to the narrative in show them a multi-layered reality.He adds layers to the picture!

“I made up my mind” – carefully weighed the options and made a settled decision.

Life Facebook – he is writing on their wall!

He didn’t want to make them sad – then he would have no one to make him glad.  

Love letter!He decided to send them a letter to tell them how much he loved them“I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart with many tears”  Deep emotional turmoil!

In this letter Paul wanted them to know the depth of his love for them.  

These words show deep empathy.He knows how they might feel.

Emotions, negative or positive, generated conversation between people frame the conversation!

Letters:~ You must be careful what you write.~ Sometimes the best way to clearly express yourself and the best way for them to really “hear” what you are saying.~ If you write, write it out once, twice, three and four times.  Have someone else review it.  Then send it. ~ Have the potential to ratchet down the emotional spiraling.  

The labeling trap:  Easily snared by confusing the person with the behavior.You are a liar…you are lying.You are an alcoholic…you have a drinking problem

Labels / naming calling deepen the gap between people.Names/labels carry a sigma…words that bounce around in our heads.  

Relationships – an underlying power struggle that involves a labeling debate.

Reframing = restructuring how you think about someone.Reframing = viewing the situation and person from another point of view.  

Our limited perspective on ourselves and others.The Johari window – slide!

1 Corinthians 6:9-11 “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders “nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. “And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” NIV

2 Corinthians 5:17-21 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! “All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: “that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. “We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” NIV

Action steps:1. Add depth to the story.2. Actively / painfully listen.3. Humbly acknowledge another’s perspective!4. Soften your words, soften your heart and ratchet down your emotions.

How?   

II. Forgiveness

The meaning of forgivenessForgiving & forgetting are not the same thing To forget relational emotional trauma you would have to have            brain surgery.

Forgiveness is giving up the right for retribution!Forgiveness is giving up right for restitution (punish offender)          Gaining balanced view of offender and affair           Lessen negative emotion toward offenderForgiveness means that every time you remember you remind yourself one more time “I let that go and I act as if I am not holding you accountable for it.”

Matthew 6:12-15 “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’ For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” NIV

Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” NIV

1 Peter 3:8-9 “Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” NIV

Colossians 3:13 “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” NIV

The consequences of not forgiving

The consequences of forgiving

My Next Step Today Is…