Love’s Outlook and Power Over Time
Series: Graduate Level Loving - Part 3Pastor Ed Riddick - Sunday, February 27th, 2005
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Introduction:
Baseball ironman Cal Ripken, Jr. said:
Growing up, “I love you” wasn’t spread around too much in our household. Not that it wasn’t meant. I could tell every time my dad told me he loved me without saying it. It’s just the way things were then.
That part is different in my family. I want my kids to hear it. I tell them, “I love you no matter what,” which means, “Whether you’re good or bad, happy or sad. It doesn’t matter whatever you are. I love you. Unconditionally. Always.” It all goes back to security and telling them you’ll always be there for them. Maybe you run the risk of telling them you love them so often that it loses meaning. I’ll risk it.
Mark Hyman, Dad’s Magazine (June/July 2000)
1 Corinthians 13 ” If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” NIV
Part 1: Love Reigns Supreme! To God, Love is the Big Deal!
If I don’t live a life of love
1. Nothing I say will matter!
2. Nothing I know will matter.
3. Nothing I believe will matter.
4. Nothing I give or accomplish will matter.
How To Live a Life of Love
No silver bullet. Some Christ does in us over time…
Romans 5:5 “God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” NIV
1 John 4:7-11 ” Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” NIV
Galatians 5:16, 22 ” So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature… But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,” NIV
Ephesians 5:1-2 ” Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” NIV
2 Corinthians 5:14 ” For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.” NIV
But, if you just let your life drift you will never drift into becoming a more loving person. The drift in your life is always toward self and self-seeking. You have to scrap and claw and be intentional if you are going to get better at loving.
Part 2: The qualities of true love
What follows is a description of 15 characteristics of love. The Qualities of True Love. If you take these verses seriously, you are sure to be challenged, convicted, and prodded into a new way of living and a new way of loving.
Review…
I. Love’s Choice v. 4
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud” (I Cor 13:4). Love gives!
1. Love is patient – the skill of self restraint
2. love is kind – the skill of taking initiative to show kindness!
First, see the needs of people around you.
Second, sympathize with them.
Third, seize the moment.
a. Scroll through options. b. Follow through.
Homework assignment: by mid night tonight I want every one of you to think of someone in your arena of relationships that you love and do one act of kindness that pushes the envelop of creativity for you.
3. Love does not envy – the skill of contentment
Philippians 4:11-13 “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” NIV
4. love does not boast.
5. love is not proud
The skill of honest, accurate self assessment.
Romans 12:3 “I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.” NIV
Galatians 6:3-4 ” If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else,” NIV
II. Love’s Refusal v. 5 Power Over Little Things…
“It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (I Cor 13:5).
6. Love is not rude – the skill of showing courtesy
7. Love is not self-seeking - the skill of being others centered
Philippians 2:4-5 ” Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:” NIV
Philippians 2:20-22 ” I have no one else like him, who takes a genuine interest in your welfare. For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. But you know that Timothy has proved himself, because as a son with his father he has served with me in the work of the gospel.” NIV
8. love is not easily angered - the ticker skin skill.
The thicker skin skill.
1. I ask this question: Are the words true? If it isn’t true or if they meant no harm I deflect it.
2. If the words are true even if they are hurtful, I have to let them in.
3. Who’s saying these words?
If it is someone who doesn’t know you or what you stand for or the real circumstances and they are kind of attackful people anyway. Let the words go.
9. Love keeps no record of wrongs suffered – the skill of forgetfulness.
Jeremiah 31:34 “the Lord declares. “I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.”” NIV
Isaiah 43:25 ” “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” NIV
This morning…
III. Love’s Outlook v. 6 Two Perspectives
Love’s power over evil! Tough Love!
“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth” (I Cor 13:6).
10. Love does not delight in evil.
It takes no pleasure in wrongdoing, is not glad about injustice, and is not happy when evil triumphs. And it takes no malicious joy in hearing evil discussed.
Love is never glad to hear bad news about another person.
Love never says, “Well, they finally got what they deserved.”
Love is never happy to hear that a brother or sister fell into sin.
Love does not enjoy listening to or passing along bad news. It draws away from begin drawn into evil discussions. Takes practice…
Love takes no delight in evil or the misfortunes of others, but it takes great pleasure in what is right.
“Love absolutely rejects that most pernicious form of rejoicing over evil, gossiping about the misdeeds of others. Love refuses to listen or buy into the bad reports of malicious gossip.
Love is not gladdened when someone else falls. Love stands on the side of the gospel and looks for mercy and justice for all, including those with whom one disagrees.”
Deeply loving people never want evil to befall someone else.
Why? They’ve learned to change places with them in their mind. If I were that person and something evil befell me I wouldn’t like it.
11. Love rejoices with the truth.
This is the flip side of the previous phrase. Deeply loving people take joy in what is true and good and right and holy and pure. Love cheers whenever the truth wins out. It is glad to know that suspicions were unfounded. Love believes the best and is glad when the verdict is “Not guilty.”
“Christian love has no wish to veil the truth; it is brave enough to face the truth; it has nothing to conceal. It does not buy into the one sided version of truth. It has learned that truth is never found in half the story. Love insists on proper Biblical protocol when it hears bad reports.
It insists that the bearer of a bad report go directly to the subject.
It persists that if the bearer is not willing to go alone they will go
with them.
And it courageously blows the lid on underground bad reports so
that the accused has at least the chance of defending
themselves. Deeply loving people in the body of Christ who really love the truth and are glad with the truth prevails.”
Love does not hide behind the cloak of secrecy asking not to be identified. Love in the Christian community is open about its sources instead of journalistically protecting its sources. Love willing examines “group think” perceptions to discover the truth.
Develop the skill of putting yourself in their place. How would you feel?
Romans 12:15 ” Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” NIV
Develop the skill of putting yourself in their place
Loving people rejoice when truth is brought to bear on someone else’s life and in all circumstances. Why? Because they say if I were that person or in that circumstance and truth befell me I would rejoice in that. That is the “putting yourself in their place” principle. If someone lovingly brought me truth I would rejoice in that.”
If you had whipped cream in your mustache or if you had two different colors of socks on or if your fly were open or your slip were showing or your lipstick were smeared or you had terrible breath wouldn’t you want someone to at least gently tell you the truth?
Truth Pictured
“A vast, teeming sea of people stretching as far as the eye can see, boiling, agitated. Most are wearing Walkman headsets and the latest fashions; every person has the most recent issue of USA Today in one hand and a television remote control in the other. Some are quite educated, but still lost. Some are lost and don’t know it. Some are lost, but don’t care. All are shouting, chanting, bumping into each other as each tries to march in his own direction, spouting a favorite truism. There is no right and wrong, so no one feels ashamed; all opinions are equal, so no one is allowed to think; religious convictions are private, so they are meaningless in any discussion. It’s like a massive tabloid talk show gone berserk.
But there is one figure out there that isn’t moving, like a reef standing dry above the crashing surf. The man is dark-skinned and gentle-eyed with a crown of white hair, and he is speaking firmly, steadily, in measured tones to whomever will listen. It’s easy to pass him by: he has no traveling band, no loud PA system, no stage smoke or lights, no premium giveaways or easy goodies from God.
All he has is wisdom–the kind you have to sit still to receive; the kind you must take in small bites and chew slowly.
But if you wish to know, he’ll tell you how this unruly mob got this way, and suggest the way to find peace and direction again. He’ll even show you where the solid rocks are in this ocean so you can stand steady above the tossing waves.”
Frank E. Peretti, in forward to Ravi Zacharias’ book Deliver Us From Evil (said about Ravi but applicable to Jesus Christ)
Ephesians 4:15 ” Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.” NIV
Ephesians 4:25 ” Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”
How To Tell the Truth
1. Earn the right to tell the truth.
“4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6(THEN) Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7(In addition) It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
2. Examine your own motive for telling your view of the truth.
Matt. 7:3-5 ”Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
To see if you have the Right Motive:
Galatians 6:1-3 ” Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.” NIV
Pr. 27:6 “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”.
3. Plan your presentation for telling the truth.
Pr. 16:23 “From a wise mind comes wise speech; the words of the wise are persuasive.” (NLT)
4. Always give affirmation when telling the truth.
Proverbs 12:25 “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a
kind word cheers him up.”
Proverbs 16:24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Paul Began: “I always thank God for you…” 1 Corinthians 1:4
Paul Ended: “My love to all of you in Christ Jesus” 1 Corinthians 16:24
2 Corinthians 7:4 ” I have great confidence in you; I take great pride in you. I am greatly encouraged; in all our troubles my joy knows no bounds.” NIV
5. Be willing to risk rejection when telling the truth.
2 Corinthians 7:8-10 “Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I
do not regret it. Though I did regret it— I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while— 9 yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. 10 Godly sorrow brings repentance…”
Proverbs 28:23 “He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.”
Proverbs 27:9 “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the
pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.”
Singer Johnny Cash’s wife, June Carter Cash, died May 15, 2003. As a follower of Jesus, she displayed many Christlike qualities. In particular, she never quit loving her husband and never quit challenging him, despite his failings.
In his 1998 autobiography, Johnny Cash describes how his wife stuck with him through his years of amphetamine abuse: June said she knew me—knew the kernel of me, deep inside, beneath the drugs and deceit and despair and anger and selfishness, and knew my loneliness.…She said she could help me.…If she found my pills, she flushed them down the toilet. And find them she did; she searched for them, relentlessly.
6. Be willing to listen to the other person’s view of the truth.
Willingly examine your own or a group’s perspective.
IV. Love’s Power Over Time - The Staying Power of Love
Mathew Woodley, “My Second Call to Ministry,” Leadership (1998)
Two years ago I nearly ditched the pastorate. I started focusing on the negatives of my job: the Saturday-night sermon-anxiety attacks, a pitiful raise, the disintegrating basement tiles in the parsonage. After eight years of frantically meeting needs, pleasing people, and tracking down plant stands for weddings, I could identify only trace elements of spiritual growth in my congregation. A dangerous ice slowly spread throughout my heart—the ice of cynicism, the ice of pastoral sloth, an attitude that didn’t care if people changed because, of course, they didn’t want to anyway.
God didn’t answer my prayer for escape. Instead, God resurrected the call to ministry during our family vacation to Libby, Montana.
While I was reading and praying at an elementary school park, three children with bag lunches, dirty clothes, and dirt-streaked faces plopped themselves on the grass beside me. Before I could object or move, the oldest child launched into a complicated story of family dysfunction: “Hi, my name is Deanna, and I’m 12; my sister is Kristy, and she’s 10; and Mikey, my brother—doesn’t he look fat in his Lion King T-shirt?—is 6. Actually, though, we all have different dads. My dad is dead; Kristy’s dad disappeared; and Mikey’s dad beats him up, so our mom is divorcing the creep. My mom and her fiancé, Larry, are at the casino because they need time alone, so she bought us all a barbecue burrito at the Town Pump and told us to stay in the park for two hours. Can we sit by you?”
In order to be polite, I said yes, then asked if they lived in town.
“No,” Deanna, the family spokesperson, answered again. “We used to live in town, but my mom lost her job. I don’t like living in a tent. By the way, what’s your job?” “Well, I’m a pastor.”
After a long silence, she asked, “Mister Pastor, can you tell me something? I’ve heard stories about Jesus walking around healing people, loving people. Why doesn’t he do that anymore?”
I launched into a lecture on the Incarnation. Three children simply stared at me with big, love-hungry eyes. I looked at Deanna and Kristy, with their limp burritos, and fat, little, abused Mikey, with barbecue sauce smeared on his Lion King T-shirt.
I stopped lecturing. With tears welling in my eyes, I said, “Deanna, Kristy, Mikey, let me start over. Do you have any idea how much Jesus loves you right now?” How did God rebuild my call to ministry? He broke my heart again—with his love for these three children.
12. Love always protects. – the skill of armor-bearing.
NRSV “bears all things” Moffatt “slow to expose”
Barrett “supports all things” Conzelmann “cover with silence all things”
Deeply loving people shield their friends. They defend their friends. You can get better at this through the skill of armor-bearing.
Love covers unworthy things rather than bringing them to the light and
magnifying them (cf. 1 Pet. 4:8). It puts up with everything. It is always
eager to believe the best and to “put the most favorable ‘face’ on a bad situation.”
John 13:1-4 “Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love. The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist.” NIV
John 13:21-28 ” After he had said this, Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, “I tell you the truth, one of you is going to betray me.”
His disciples stared at one another, at a loss to know which of them he meant. One of them, the disciple whom Jesus loved, was reclining next to him. Simon Peter motioned to this disciple and said, “Ask him which one he means.”
Leaning back against Jesus, he asked him, “Lord, who is it?” Jesus answered, “It is the one to whom I will give this piece of bread when I have dipped it in the dish.” Then, dipping the piece of bread, he gave it to Judas Iscariot, son of Simon. As soon as Judas took the bread, Satan entered into him. “What you are about to do, do quickly,” Jesus told him, but no one at the meal understood why Jesus said this to him.” NIV
1 Peter 4:8 ” Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” NIV
This is the opposite of news agencies who want to be the first to broadcast bad news. There are times when on a very limited basis “bad news” must be discussed. But decided, here and now that you will not be the bearer of bad news about others and will not listen when a negative report or slight is being shared.
13. Love Always Trusts
“Love believes the best.”
Love makes a choice to believe the best.
If I could wave the wand all over the world and every single person would believe the best of others what I wouldn’t give. Can you imagine the results….
“This does not mean . . . that a Christian is to allow himself to be fooled by every rogue, or to pretend that he believes that white is black. But in doubtful cases he will prefer being too generous in his conclusions to suspecting another unjustly.”
Love chooses to listen to and believe the personal explanation of a brother or sister in Christ rather than stubbornly clinging to our suspicions or own interpretation of their actions or motives.
Daring to believe that maybe peace can come on the scene.
People of even very different persuasions and every skin color believing the best. No more polarizing or stereotyping, no more profiling, no more fear that it is all going to turn out badly. But they would open their hearts and believe the best about each other.
Can you imagine on a political scene if politicians believed the best about each other?
Work place
Home
Small group
Can you imagine if everyone believed the best about each other and move toward each other in optimism? Instead of away from each other in sinacism and fear.
The skill of relational optimism. It is rooted and grounded in the doctrine of the sovereignty of God. So important that you get this.
When we really believe there is a God and that His agenda is to transform lives, when you and I really believe what the Psalmist says that God never slumbers or sleeps, 24/7 He is working behind the scenes in people’s lives to prepare them for their defining moment of redemption or their defining moment of transformation of some kind.
When you and I really believe that there is a powerful God at work behind the scenes in people’s lives then we walk around in our relational world with eyes wide open wondering who God is at work in and what He is up to and how close this person or that is to a spiritual breakthrough of one kind or another.
And because we believe so strongly in God powerful, sovereign work behind the scenes in people’s lives we live every day and we relate to every person with relational optimism.
14. Love Always Hopes
The skill of relational optimism.
We have hope for people.
Love always hopes. Deeply loving people walk around indescrimately hoping that wayward people will come home, that weary people will find strength, that confused people will find answers, that people far from God will join His family someday. Because a loving, powerful, sovereign God is working behind the scenes in ways we do not know.
Brain Damaged Woman Speaks After 20 Years Of Silence
HUTCHINSON, Kan. (AP) - For 20 years, Sarah Scantlin has been mostly oblivious to the world around her - the victim of a drunken driver who struck her down as she walked to her car. Today, after a remarkable recovery, she can talk again.
Scantlin’s father knows she will never fully recover, but her newfound ability to speak and her returning memories have given him his daughter back. For years, she could only blink her eyes - one blink for “no,” two blinks for “yes” - to respond to questions that no one knew for sure she understood.
“I am astonished how primal communication is. It is a key element of humanity,” Jim Scantlin said, blinking back tears.
Sarah Scantlin was an 18-year-old college freshman on Sept. 22, 1984, when she was hit by a drunk driver as she walked to her car after celebrating with friends at a teen club. That week, she had been hired at an upscale clothing store and won a spot on the drill team at Hutchinson Community College.
(AP) Sarah Scantlin, left, looks up at her mother Betsy Scantlin during a reception for Sarah at Golden…
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After two decades of silence, she began talking last month. Doctors are not sure why. On Saturday, Scantlin’s parents hosted an open house at her nursing home to introduce her to friends, family members and reporters.
A week ago, her parents got a call from Jennifer Trammell, a licensed nurse at the Golden Plains Health Care Center. She asked Betsy Scantlin if she was sitting down, told her someone wanted to talk to her and switched the phone to speaker mode:
“Hi, Mom.” “Sarah, is that you?” her mother asked.
“Yes,” came the throaty reply. “How are you doing?”
“Fine.” “Do you need anything,” her mother asked her later.
“More makeup.”
“Did she just say more makeup?” the mother asked the nurse.
Scantlin still suffers constantly from the effects of the accident. She habitually crosses her arms across her chest, her fists clenched under her chin. Her legs constantly spasm and thrash. Her right foot is so twisted it is almost reversed. Her neck muscles are so constricted she cannot swallow to eat.
Scantlin started talking in mid-January but asked staff members not to tell her parents until Valentine’s Day to surprise them, Trammell said. But last week she could not wait any longer to talk to them.
“I didn’t think it would ever happen, it had been so long,” Betsy Scantlin said.
Scantlin’s doctor, Bradley Scheel, said physicians are not sure why she suddenly began talking but believe critical pathways in the brain may have regenerated.
“It is extremely unusual to see something like this happen,” Scheel said.
The breakthrough came when the nursing home’s activity director, Pat Rincon, was working with Scantlin and a small group of other patients, trying to get them to speak.
Rincon had her back to Scantlin while she worked with another resident. She had just gotten that resident to reply “OK,” when she suddenly heard Sarah behind her also repeat the words: “OK. OK.”
Staff members brought in a speech therapist and intensified their work with Sarah. They did not want to get her parents’ hopes up until they were sure Sarah would not relapse, Trammell said.
On Saturday, Scantlin seemed at times overwhelmed by the attention. Dressed in a blue warm-up suit, she spoke little, mostly answering questions in a single word.
Is she happy she can talk? “Yeah,” she replied. What does she tell her parents when they leave? “I love you,” she said.
Family members say Scantlin’s understanding of the outside world comes mostly from news and soap operas that played on the television in her room.
On Saturday, her brother asked whether she knew what a CD was. Sarah said she did, and she knew it had music on it.
But when he asked her how old she was, Sarah guessed she was 22. When her brother gently told her she was 38 years old now, she just stared silently back at him. The nurses say she thinks it is still the 1980s.
Her father, Jim Scantlin, understands that Sarah will probably never leave the health care center, but he is grateful for her improvement.
“This place is her home … They have given me my daughter back,” he said.
Deeply loving people never give up on others.
It is hopeful that those who have failed will not fail again rather than
concluding that failure is inevitable (cf. Matt. 18:22). It does not allow
itself to become overwhelmed but perseveres steadfastly through difficult trials.
Philippians 1:6 ” being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” NIV
2 Corinthians 3:18 ” And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” NIV
Next Week:
13:8-13 The Staying Power of Love
When Everything Else Breaks Down Love Sticks Around
Love is the “better way” (see 12:31). Read together!