Oakbrook Evangelical Free Church

Introduction:

John Stott: “What are we made for? As fish are made for water, humans are made for love.”

16^th century poet, “Not when I breathe but when I love, I live.”

Showboat

Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly,

I’ve got to love one man till I die.

Can’t help lovin’ that man of mine.

How do I know if I love my brother?

This passage is not for super bowl Christians – or all stars of the faith. This passage is for ordinary, imperfect Christians who desire to be a part of a loving community with other imperfect Christians who follows Christ.

Part 1: Love Reigns Supreme! To God, Love is the Big Deal!

If I don’t live a life of love

1. Nothing I say will matter!

Principle: Awe inspiring worship experiences are well and good. Using our gifts in service is absolutely necessary. But know this. When you go home or walk into work or bump into your neighbor, how you treat people, the kindness you express, how you listen to people, how you love people, that’s the ballgame.

2. Nothing I know will matter.

Principle: God is more impressed by small acts of kindness than He is by touchdown sermons. 13:2

3. Nothing I believe will matter.

Principle: Growing in our being motivated by and expressing love is more significant than demonstrating mountain moving miracle working power.

4. Nothing I give or accomplish will matter.

Principle: Ministry always requires personal sacrifice. But even the ultimate sacrifice made without love means nothing.

Principle: If you want to follow Christ you must walk the road of suffering and even death. But even dying for Christ without love gains you nothing!

Reasons Why Love is Important:

(1) The whole Old Testament Law is summed up by the one word, “love” (see Leviticus 19:17-18; Matthew 19:19).

(2) Love sums up the Christian’s responsibilities in the New Testament

Romans 13:9 ” The commandments, “Do not commit adultery,” “Do not murder,” “Do not steal,” “Do not covet,” and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”” NIV

(3) Love is the capstone, the crowning virtue, the consummation of all other virtues (Galatians 5:22-23; 2 Peter 1:5-7; Colossians 3:12-14).

Colossians 3:12-14 ” Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” NIV

(4) Love is the goal of Paul’s instruction

1 Timothy 1:5 ” But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. ” NASB95

Instruction

Pure good sincere

heart conscience faith

Love

(5) Love is the distinguishing mark of the true Christian (John 13:35).

John 13:34-35 ” “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”” NIV

(6) Without love, the value of spiritual gifts is greatly diminished (1 Corinthians 12:1-3).

(7) Love is greater than faith and hope (1 Corinthians 13:13).

(8) Love is easily lost, without one’s even being aware of it Rev 2:1-7.

How To Live a Life of Love

Romans 5:5 “God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” NIV

1 John 4:7-11 ” Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” NIV

Galatians 5:16, 22 ” So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature… But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,” NIV

Ephesians 5:1-2 ” Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” NIV

2 Corinthians 5:14 ” For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.” NIV

If you just let your life drift you will never drift into becoming a more loving person. The drift in your life is always toward self and self-seeking. You have to scrap and claw and be intentional if you are going to get better at loving.

Part 2: The qualities of true love

What follows is a description of 15 characteristics of love. The Qualities of True Love. If you take these verses seriously, you are sure to be challenged, convicted, and prodded into a new way of living and a new way of loving.

It is not primarily a feeling. Love is an act of the will that reveals itself by what it does and by how it behaves. Love is something you do.

I. Love’s Choice v. 4

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud” (I Cor 13:4). Love gives!

First, love is patient – the skill of self restraint

Literally means “long-minded.” It is slow to anger, slow to take offense, slow to become resentful. True love causes us to bear patiently with our loved ones when they wrong us, offend us, nag us, or criticize us. It is slow to assert itself or to retaliate in self-defense, self-pity, or sarcastic retorts.

Means to have patience with difficult people or difficult circumstances. It describes the person who has been wronged or for whom things aren’t going well who has it within his power to get even or lash out, but chooses not to use that power.

Patient people have mastered a skill some of us have to work on yet.

Patient people feel the same amount of frustration as we do in stressful situations but they make a different choice in these situations than we do. They choose self restraint instead acting out.

Takes a lot of self-talk. Speaking the truth in your own heart.

First – to do absolutely nothing. To not respond to my impulses that want me to say or do something.

STOP! Don’t react. Don’t be a jerk. Don’t say anything. Don’t roll your eyes. Don’t cross your arms or make other jesters. Just stop

Patience refrains from reacting to provocation,

Second, ask the Spirit to give you wisdom as to what to say or do.

Third, followed it up restraint and prayer with a mature conversation

Sort out what has gone on.

Impatience is a “love buster”. A “love builder” is self restraint.

Second, love is kind – the skill of taking initiative to show kindness!

Means “sweet usefulness.” Love is quick to help others and eager to reach out to those in need. Perhaps you’ve seen this famous quote: “I shall pass through this world but once. Any good thing, therefore, that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer it, or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”

Mark Twain called kindness “a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can read.”

Kindness finds constructive ways of doing good for the ones we love no matter how they have acted. Kindness is showing appreciation for little things we like and saying so with sincere commendation. Some husbands or wives cannot recall the last compliment they received from their spouses.

Kindness is a helping hand

Kindness is a tone of voice, an approving look or smile.

Some people in marriage and family seldom speak kindly to each other. They know how to speak in pleasant tones to other people, but they growl at each other. Try the kindness check at your house for awhile. Whenever you say something to your mate that elicits a negative response, ask yourself, “Was that kind?” If it wasn’t, confess it to God, apologize to your mate, and trust God for the grace to be kind. It may work wonders in your marriage.

Think through this.

If you are going to actively express love toward somebody through a deed of kindness to someone what do you have to do?

First, see the needs of people around you.

Luke 10:33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him.”

Second, sympathize with them.

Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly

loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility,

gentleness and patience.

Third, seize the moment.

a. Scroll through options. What manifestation of love is going to mean the most to the beloved? Some of us simply fall short in loving because we don’t press the creativity envelop enough

b. Follow through. We fail to show the kindnesses that we think about. When we think of a creative idea we do not follow through. The idea crosses our minds but we don’t press ourselves enough to follow through.

Homework assignment: by mid night tonight I want every one of you to think of someone in your arena of relationships that you love and do one act of kindness that pushes the envelop of creativity for you.

Third, love does not envy – the skill of contentment

This is the sin of those who think others have too much and they have too little. By contrast, love has discovered the secret of being content. It does not begrudge others their gifts. How do you respond to the good fortune of others? If they do better than you, if they prosper when you don’t, if their family seems happy while yours is torn apart, how will you react? If they achieve what you cannot, if they gain what you lack, if they win where you lose, then the truth will come out. Can you lose gracefully? Can you walk away from the contest without bitterness?

Love is not in competition with its loved one, nor is it comparative in its circumstances.

It is tough to love someone deeply when every time you are around them your focus goes to something that he or she has that you want. Cause you start to focus on that and envy undermines love.

Envy grows out of an attitude of heart that feels cheated, that believes life has been unfair to them.

Think about how easy it is to build up a subtle kind of resentment in your spirit toward someone who has a position that you don’t have, who has a kind of house you wish you had, an income you wish you had, a car…a slimmer body…a wardrobe …if you have envy building up in your heart it is hard to love people.

Question: Do you have what do you really deserve to have in this life?

Theologically, not economically.

Romans 6:23 Death.

I’ve earned the wages of sin!

I’ve bought into the compensation package of sin.

I have to be terse with myself. Ok Ed, say it. What have you earned? I deserve hell.

But by God’s grace (6:23) you have received the gift of ET through JC our Lord. You have God on your side in all circumstances of this life. You have the promise of ET L in the next.

You have family that love you. Friends that you treasure.

A healthy body and mind. Admit it. You’re loaded!

Say the words “I’m loaded. I have more than I deserve.”

Here’s the key. I have to say this in my spirit: “No matter what anybody else has I have more than I deserve. I’m loaded.” When I get this straight in my mind, when I master the skill of self-contentment, I am freed up to be able to love people who are smarter than me, richer, have a nicer home than me, have higher positions and walk into their presence and say to myself, I don’t need what you have. I already have more than I deserve. No matter what my circumstance, God has never been unfair to me. Every good gift I have came from God. And every bad thing in my life is something He is working to turn to good. Oh how I am blessed.

You have to do that hard work. If you don’t envy will undermine love. Nobody can do this work for you. You have to master the skill of self-contentment.

Practice: Repeat after me with considerable emphasis: “I know what I deserve. I know that I have sinned. I what wages are. But Christ has paid the price. He has set me free. Eternal life is mine. I am rich indeed. I don’t need anybody’s stuff. I don’t need anybody’s things. I am free to love all people. Praise His holy name.

Philippians 4:11-13 “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” NIV

Fourth, love does not boast.
It does not brag, is not pompous or conceited. It has no exalted opinion of itself. It is not eager to be the center of attention or to gain the applause of others.

The word “boast” means something like “windbag.” It has within it the idea of the person who must continually talk about himself in order to impress others.

Fifth, love is not proud - The skill of honest, accurate self assessment.

love is “not puffed up.” That means love does not have an inflated opinion of itself. It is not filled with hot air. As I think about the truly great people I have known, they have all (on one level at least) seemed rather ordinary. They dressed and acted like real people.

When someone has to dress or act or talk like they are somebody special, it’s because they’re trying to convince themselves. With those who are truly great, what you see is what you get, which is how it ought to be with all of us.

Pride is a “love buster”. Arrogance undermines love.

How do you deal with it if you have a propensity toward pride?

The skill of honest, accurate self assessment.

Have a sober judgment about yourself.

To not think more highly of yourself than you should.

Get a grip on reality. The world does not revolve around you. You are not the smartest, the greatest and the best and all the rest. Sure, the Lord may have taught you some wisdom. But you are not independently wise! You have no corner on the competence.

People with sober judgment, self-honestly rarely lapse into arrogance.

Romans 12:3 “I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.” NIV

Galatians 6:3-4 ” If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else,” NIV

II. Love’s Refusal v. 5 Power Over the Little Things

“It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (I Cor 13:5).

Sixth, love is not rude – the skill of showing courtesy

love “does not behave itself unseemly.” Love’s power of rudeness.

This covers a lot of territory. On one level, it means that love is not ill-mannered. It does nothing of which it will be ashamed later. Love is true courtesy. It is polite, considerate, and careful for the needs and feelings of others. Love is quick to make others feel at ease. Love has good manners!

Seventh, love is not self-seeking - the skill of being others centered

It takes no thought for itself, does not demand its own way, and is not stubborn about things that don’t matter. Love never says, “My way or the highway.” Love says, “Let’s do it Jesus’ way.” Love serves and doesn’t worry about who gets the credit.

Philippians 2:4-5 ” Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:” NIV

Philippians 2:20-22 ” I have no one else like him, who takes a genuine interest in your welfare. For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. But you know that Timothy has proved himself, because as a son with his father he has served with me in the work of the gospel.” NIV

Eighth, love is not easily angered - the ticker skin skill.

Love’s power over being touchy.

This is the quality I always stop and think about when I read this chapter. This is the quality that seems to come too close for comfort. Love is not easily provoked, is not quick tempered, does not blow its top, is not easily angered, and is not irritable. By contrast, love is good-natured, easy-going, and quick to forgive.

Do you know of how many interpersonal train wrecks I’ve witnessed in my adult life? Over this one issue along.

Family feuds, business nightmares, church horror stories, marital breakdowns, related to the fact that a person is too easily angered.

Just flat too touchy. Someone who is mortally wounded by a comment that wasn’t even that hurtful on balance.

And because they as too easily wounded they go out and cause all kinds of relational mayhem over an issue that didn’t amount to a hill of beans to begin with.

Are you familier with the term “walking on eggshells” or with the concept of walking on pins and needles?

Are you are way too touchy. Just chill out a bit. OK

Missiles of any kind can hurt you or me very deeply. And you have to figure out when harsh words, when mean things, when bad information, come your way, what are you going to do? How much of this am I going to let into my heart. How much of this am I going to let fester, how much of this am I going to fend off and deflect, what am I going to disregard altogether?

You deal with this. Some of you work in hostile work environments, some of you in are in hostile home environments, difficult academic settings and people say things to you or about you that could hurt you deeply. So you have to ask yourself the question, how much of this do I let in, how deep am I going let this into my spirit, how much of this am I going to deflect?

The thicker skin skill.

This skill involves quite a bit of mental discipline. It involves learning to shield your heart from a certain amount of intended or unintended hurt that comes your way when you live in our kind of world.

1. I ask this question: Are the words true? Did they mean any

harm? Is what is being said true. If it isn’t true or if they meant no

harm I deflect it. I just stop the force of those words. I get it out of
my sight. I don’t carry it around d all day.

2. If the words are true and they are hurtful, I have to let them in. I have to go to a thin membrane. Sometimes hurtful things need to come my way because God uses them as a correction in my spirit.

3. Who’s saying these words?

If it is just some schmo who doesn’t know you or what you stand for and they are kind of attackful people anyway. Let the words go. Don’t let some schmo wreck your heart.

If it is someone who knows you well and loves you deeply well, then you must consider the source and decided the thickness of layering on the basis of who it is who is saying what is being said.

Ninth, love keeps no record of wrongs suffered – the skill of forgetfulness.

Love “thinks no evil.” It does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not impute evil, does not brood over injuries suffered. It is not suspicious of others, not cynical about good deeds done by others, and is not quick to remember a personal offense done by others. Warren Wiersbe said he once knew a man who actually kept a written list of the rotten things people had done to him. He also said that man was one of the most miserable people he had ever known. Many people keep mental lists of the slights they have suffered. They never get over what happened in the past. They dwell on it, they live in it, they ferment in it, and as a result, they let the past shape their present and their future.

Jeremiah 31:34 “the Lord declares. “I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.”” NIV

Psalm 103:12 ” as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” NIV

Isaiah 43:25 ” “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” NIV

END!

III. Love’s Outlook v. 6

Love’s power over evil! Tough Love!

“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth” (I Cor 13:6).

Tenth, love does not delight in evil.

It takes no pleasure in wrongdoing, is not glad about injustice, and is not happy when evil triumphs. And it takes no joy in hearing evil openly discussed.

Love is never glad to hear bad news about another person.

Love never says, “Well, they finally got what they deserved.”

Love is never happy to hear that a brother or sister fell into sin.

Love does not enjoy passing along bad news.

Eleventh, love rejoices with the truth.

This is the flip side of the previous phrase. Love takes joy in what is true and good and right and holy and pure. Love cheers whenever the truth wins out. It is glad to know that suspicions were unfounded. Love believes the best and is glad when the verdict is “Not guilty.”

Develop the skill of putting yourself in their place

Develop the skill of putting yourself in their place

Romans 12:15 ” Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” NIV

IV. Love’s Power Over Time

12. Love always protects. – the skill of armor-bearing.

13. Trusts

14. Hopes

The skill of relational optimism.

15. Love always perseveres.